Ethan Hawke’s Body Found Dumped In Laurel Canyon As 2019 Osc

The Onion

The Onion

LOS ANGELES—Declaring this year’s awards-show-related crime wave among the worst in decades, the Los Angeles Police Department confirmed Friday that the headless, handless body of Ethan Hawke was found dumped in Laurel Canyon, a crime consistent in its motive and its violence with the 2019 Oscar race. “Unfortunately,…

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Ethan Hawke’s Body Found Dumped In Laurel Canyon As 2019 Oscar Race Heats Up
 
Ethan Hawke’s Body Found Dumped In Laurel Canyon As 2019 Oscar Race Heats Up
 

LOS ANGELES—Declaring this year’s awards-show-related crime wave among the worst in decades, the Los Angeles Police Department confirmed Friday that the headless, handless body of Ethan Hawke was found dumped in Laurel Canyon, a crime consistent in its motive and its violence with the 2019 Oscar race. “Unfortunately,…

Read more...

 
 
 
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